Funny enough, while with fever from my angina I found out something that I like, something that I might turn into a new hobby. What started out as a not very enjoyed but necessary trip to the local store for bottled water had turned into quite a thrilling experience, and that one is: driving (speeding) on narrow winding unpaved roads with dips at night. My little white swan got a peculiar orangish reddish tint from all the fine Arizona dust, but I'm sure she will forgive me this time. I had topped my tank prior to driving to nowhere, so I was able to utilize low gears for extended periods.
All the blind corners, skids, jumps, really deep dips and washes with steep slopes afterwards, guided trough without crash or even damage only tell me one thing - I am in control, I am in control because I am confident, I am confident in my driving abilities, or actually - I am confident in what I am capable of, what the car is capable of and what are her weak points. It would have been foolish to drive off-road, it would have been foolish to get into deeper sand.
As always, to reach the top, you must start from the beginning, and build over (and over again, and again and so much more). Practice is what makes perfect. But practice would be in vain without a constant seeking of the goal. So the goal should be set high enough yet realistic. I know my car, I know how un/trained I am, but I believe, reasonably in my skills. No wishful thinking, no jumping ahead, but I have to realize what am I, what I am capable of. The car is only an extension to me, it is me that does everything, takes the decisions and above all carries the responsibility and if I have crashed I would have been only me that failed. It is not about control, it is about me, it is about the confidence, the confidence which is a belief.
This actually made me think all about what it takes to believe, what it takes to achieve, and what it takes to back out and handover the results of all your hard labour to someone else - that will be in a post soon. On another note, the return of me(I) vs. third person observer is also something that has to make it a post soon.
I need to find some proper training to extend my abilities and closed courses/non-public roads for doing so on regular basis. Speeding 85 at 25 speed limit could be a great disaster if only for your driver records. I should also get myself a camera, to record all the fun, Contour's products seem to fit the need.